How to support someone with debt problems
Nobody wants to be swamped with debt, but many things affect a person’s financial stability and plenty of New Zealanders struggle to pay the bills.
And, we tend to keep our financial situation very private so when we end up in debt, we avoid telling anyone – even our nearest and dearest.
Often, we hope the problem will resolve itself and keep living a life that we can’t afford – just so no one will find out how broke we really are.
When you find out your partner, friend, family member or best mate is struggling with debt problems there are a few things you can do to help them.
At Debtfix we see people from all walks of life struggling with debt and we have some top tips for those who want to help.
Don’t judge a person who has debt problems
The person in debt will most likely already feel shame and humiliation, and if the people they turn to for help are negative and judgemental the communication doors will slam shut.
Stay honest about the debt situation
When a person with debt problems tells their partner or friend that they have money problems, it is often not a surprise for their buddy. They may have noticed extreme shopping sprees, holidays or lifestyles that may appear beyond the person’s income.
Once the person struggling to stay financially afloat has confided in you, be courageous and keep conversations honest and open.
To retain their trust you must keep their financial situation in confidence and let them decide who they discuss it with.
Find independent advice for the person with debt problems
There are numerous solutions to debt and the best plan to get financially secure may not be obvious.
Debtfix has a debt calculator to help people identify what their options are to get out of debt.
If you are a good partner or buddy, you may have enough influence to recommend to the person drowning in debt where they can get budgeting advice.
Simply Budget is our sister organisation that helps people manage their money.
There is also a comprehensive network of budget advice centres throughout New Zealand that can help with budgeting and debt options.
Avoid rescuing a person with debt problems
Being supportive and non-judgemental is very different from rescuing a person who is drowning in debt.
If you lend the person more money or completely take over their finances, their long-term survival is threatened. You’re simply throwing them a quick fix and they have learnt nothing.
It’s much better to develop a financial plan together and make the person with debt problems accountable for their actions.
Lending them money might be necessary to help with their short-term survival – for example, covering their rent, but this needs to be balanced with a debt repayment plan.
Find free and low-cost fun things to do to prevent more debt
Staying hopeful when debt swamps a person can seem impossible, which means it is important for friends and family to come up with cheap and cheerful entertainment.
Inviting them to expensive nights out won’t help them.
Here’s some cool and inexpensive ideas:
Join free community events, check out social media, newspaper community pages, online website event pages.
Borrow books, hard copy or online from the library – it’s like free shopping.
Join a sports or hobby club – the fees can be low and the activity keeps you busy.
Volunteer – costs your time and gives you a feel-good factor.
Arrange shared meals with friends, with everyone contributing.
Start walking or jogging for fitness – good for the body and the bank balance.
Attend exhibition openings at art galleries – they often have wine and cheese.
Take care of yourself when supporting someone with debt problems
Money problems are stressful and to best support someone in financial dire straits you need to take care of yourself.
Give yourself breaks away from your friend or family member and connect with other friends. Always keep the problems of your debt laden buddy out of conversations with others. Your friend won’t thank you for telling the world about their money woes.
Keep doing the things you love, unless you are financially affected by the person’s debt situation. Then you may need to refer to the list above.
Eat, sleep, exercise, laugh, cry and accept the situation. The most demoralising thought is to waste lots of energy wishing something is different.
Many New Zealanders are drowning in debt and we need lots of good people supporting them, who can throw them helpful life buoys to improve the financial well-being of our community.
You can be that person.
Supporting someone with debt problems