Show support rather than money shaming
When the piggy bank is empty and it feels like everyone around you is living the dream – it can feel impossible to say “no” when family and friends invite you to do something you can’t afford.
The Debtfix crew is shouting out to everyone in this crazy year and asking people to avoid putting unnecessary pressure on others to spend money they don’t have. Christmas is coming, school will be out for the summer and there is probably someone in your family or a friend who is dealing with a financial meltdown, although they probably won’t tell you.
Our shame about money problems is big and real.
Debtfix wants to change the culture of keeping quiet about financial stress, to create communities that are honest about money matters – where we don’t get ourselves into more debt. It doesn’t mean we all have to openly share our bank balance but maybe we should all decide what is really important.
Be honest about why we spend money
If there has ever been a year for navel-gazing and wondering what the world is all about – 2020 is it. However, change is hard to handle especially when it happens quickly and we feel we have no control over what the heck is going on.
No matter how Covid-19 has impacted us and our whānau, we need to be considerate of others and understand what is genuinely important before we place financial demands on them. This helps people set priorities and avoid pressuring people to spend money they don’t have.
You get the idea. When someone hasn’t got enough money to make ends meet – getting into debt to live a fake lifestyle is not the solution. Considering what is really important for them and us is a good solution.
It is time to be courageous and support others to find a financially healthier way of achieving what really matters.
Stop shaming others into debt
Many people who have never been unemployed or experienced financial difficulties may now be silently struggling. We may never know how tough it is for them to make the budget stretch to meet daily living costs, which is likely to make them feel embarrassed.
In New Zealand’s Covid-19 economy we all need to think about ways we can celebrate or commemorate with our family and friends, without pressuring them to go bust.
Some ways we can avoid shaming others:
Delay or scale down an event until more certain times
Give people affordable options for activities
If you are financially OK, don’t show-off or humiliate others
Let everyone contribute what they can afford, which may be nothing
Don’t gossip about others
Support works better than judgement about money matters
When you know your partner, friend or family member is worried about money, but they are not telling you – it is a time to be supportive.
At Debtfix we know relationship breakdowns often mean people can no longer keep their financial head above water. However, a report released in September 2020 by the Commission for Financial Capability (CFFC) indicates money problems can cause relationship stress. The research conducted from January to August 2020 indicates younger Māori and Pacifika couples with pre-school children, living in rental accommodation are most likely to experience “interpersonal issues due to financial stress”.
What could the financially stressed Kiwi couples, aged between 18-34 years do to improve their relationships and money situation?
Discuss openly what your financial goals are so you understand one another
Seek external support to learn more about managing money, for example a local budget service
Plan to pay off debt. Debtfix can help with this.
Both have equal access to bank accounts
Talk to one another when something changes
Ask how they are feeling about the money situation
Talk before making any big purchases
It is useful to work with someone outside of the relationship to provide independent advice and keep individuals accountable without the emotional connections. We all have different money personalities and couples will find it useful to understand who is a spender or saver – along a continuum.
Then you need to work out who in the relationship is OK buying things with credit and who would rather pay cash. Often, couples have never had this conversation, which causes communication breakdowns.
Use supportive language that looks to future solutions, rather than shaming them and going on a blame rant. Of course, none of us are perfect and when you have a blow out, learn to apologise, kiss and make up.
Use this time to teach your children
Even in a time of uncertainty there will be some core values we can all share with the next generation. Our children look to us for stability and they are very good at being honest. Work with them to find different ways to have fun without spending a fortune and empower them by letting them make some decisions.
Who knows what will happen next but if Covid-19 could cause a permanent shift away from unaffordable consumerism and debt – the next generation will surely be thankful.